Even now

There’s something about being this age; being a 17 year old.

There’s a notion that I might forget how this feels, as much as it is now the rushing wind on every swing of the present metronome of my lifetime. whish whoosh. So occuring.

Feels like I’m reaching the climax of my story. Like so much of myself is drawing out, and always returning with the desire of bigger gulps of air. Seems to me that decisions that lay before me, as petty or insignificant still sketches out what the future would be in result. Things that I’m so glad I reached out and grasp just as the beautiful guitar, I know now has turned out to be something I can’t imagine not being able to hold. My time is approaching, bigger foot steps; deeper cuts of turn. It’s so exciting.

I do try to pry and interpret the lines, cracks and clouds in the mirror. Figuring out how as a parent -as distant in time yet, friendly among the circle of my thoughts is- I would cope with my own in his/her 17-year-old syndrome. That one wanting strings to be untied, no longer fully satisfied with them loosened every once in awhile. That one that has a life beating and living in hand. Would I trust the world to take care of him/her? Would I trust that One?

Im sure it has occured before that a person will promise themself to never be like either one or both of their parents, thinking that since they are the ones experiencing the results of the actions. Bringing it closer to home, I have. Its sad and I dont want to contradict myself in the end. Still theres always one thing that will never go wrong, in fact it will make everything right. Having you in my life. The best choice I made, altho I cant remember exactly when -it doesnt matter-, was cause of my mum who insisted that my dad became a christian for them to be together. Things will always flip up in a smile when theres yahweh.

 

..And I always can find you here

 

lei