What’s most comforting

Is the warm streams of water running down my face

My puffed up face, lips turned crimson and swollen pink eyes

What caused it  is nothing to talk about, just the usual behavioral patterns of home and quick-irritation syndrome.

Coming back to my room, to quiet down in the little air conditioning that’s left in it.. I learn in a way, compressing your emotions really does work. You go through the daily routine and when the thought of a certain someone or an event in life you dread, you push it aside and tell yourself it’ll be fine. I’m really trying my best already or everything happens for a reason. It does good not to focus on things too much. But truth is, its gnawing at you from the back of your head, nape of your neck and back -The parts you don’t see in the mirror when you put on that smile.

I let myself be me again. Emotions don’t lie. My tears depicted the real value of  things that were really close to my heart. Like SPM. And unlike from what my hormones we’re telling me, I’m really not in love with this boy. I adore him, but I naturally can’t feel that way yet. Love is so big, so much is comparison. I’m lucky, I know from the love I have from You. But I’m afraid of letting him go. I’m worried of losing myself to this world, so so worried. I keep turning the Numb knob, because succumbing to this world is so much easier. When I see or hear talks of Christian Fellowship  and the lost students out there, my heart breaks. I, couldn’t do it any longer. And now, I’m hardly doing anything at all. I’m awake, deep inside.

I will not burden any person about this, this is my own. But I will tell my God and trust.

This is me now,

Don’t bother about the sad eyes,  I have a peaceful heart.

Wern Lei