Let it last..

Looking at just today and yesterday, I wonder Will my marriage turn out the same?

They are fighting constantly, talking to each other in tones of hatred and despise. Two whom come so far as to having children and built a home together for close to two and half’s worth of a decade. Sometimes thoughts fly and conclude, Why did they ever..?  What more goes through their mind then.

Bickering about the stupidest, most innocent comment made about.. A fish pie on television. No one wins, no one’s apologizing, no one’s being a spouse. Demeaning and insulting  to each other, and their kids are the punching bag of their emotions. Drive off again, just because you’re angry.

Hold it like its a dirty tissue, marriage. Not to mention the time ahead when the husband retires and has nothing to do in the day time. Imagine the non-stop time of togetherness.

But then, the turnabout point is that each of us kids has taken the backlash and grown by stitching up the wounds on our own. The terror of our parents in the height of nonsense-made anger to have said or to say “Leave!” to another, makes us fragile that we draw nearer to our parent up There that offers security. My sister and I prayed for our parents for a period of time, as I still remember. And for a while, things were serene for days. Its a miracle for the book. Though we do take on our parent ‘s hot tempered attitude, but each always in remorse after and changing thereafter.

And just like that, by the love we base from God for us -we forgive them. We let ourselves, myself understand that they are old now, harder to break down and be remoulded. Harder to bow down and admit fault to their young after so many years. But God helps us. God helps my father from letting his fury from.. being like any men in strains. God helps him settle when he chooses to escape from the anger for the good of his family. The many times my mother talks it out to me, cause I guess it does help her.

The grace of God, for them not to say “this love, has stopped being ‘Forever’ “.

I am rooted on the fact that me and the ‘him’ that comes, will enjoy each others company and build our love first.

My siblings, and I, admittedly not always the typical lovey-dovey bunch are shared in love that we all have been emotionally scarred. Hurts are messy, and scars don’t just rub off. But just like today; I arrived at church late and in anger after being left high and dry, yet as I stood in the sanctuary, dimly lit in yellow and sunlight, time went slower. I saw iridescence. Just as a toddler would refuse to smile when his parent offers a lollipop to make up, I stood, inside still knotted up and refusing to sing along the others already in praise, pursed my lips while God cracked my shell and reached for me.

There’s nothing like the calmness and peace when I stand in the church. No other easier way that I can let hurt go.

While I am still home tho, I do pray that God, as much as they might bicker out of love, let the shown love of not arguing last.