Mum’s the word.

You know how it goes, You don’t know what you’ve got till its gone?

Or is that lyrics off a infamous song? Anyway.

My Freedom. My Stand. Mostly, my BRAIN that was there all along, guiding me through the valley of Sanity and led my path the way I needed it to be. For my sake, and for my sake as a Christian. As I think it through, must’ve left me somewhere during the time I was replying to my cousin’s question ‘Any good-looking guys in your school?’.

It began, and went to a point where I almost decided to consider ‘yes, maybe this is possible’.

The brain-freedom-stand of mine, would have been standing nearby laughing while pointing mockingly at me. I guess its a test too. And literally a test, number two. A non-christian, a Chinese, a classmate, and a year before a major exam begins. Don’t make the same mistake.

I know my inconsistency with a friend who’s always there is to be blamed. Big time. This time, I learn not to rush things, but to rush things that are crucial in my life for my stability.

I wonder, if You, God really spoke through my mum.

This really crazy thing started happening, where I could talk to my mum about her past relationships and related to it. Similarly, there’s boys who never take action, boys who take action too brutally, and boy..oh boy. Cheekily we sit and laugh while her past and my past intertwine. I never knew opening up to her would be this fun. Thank you, God.

And over the weekend, I’m back to myself. Single and not available, at least for the moment. I need to remember that I want to marry, not date. It honestly felt like I was looking at a pair of shoes to see how it fit and looked on me, and knowing I chose a pair that wouldn’t last for long. And I didn’t pass the test at that, I led someone on because I didn’t consider things properly and was influenced by others. It comes with a very big warning and a price.

Buck up.

I’m just lucky to have guardians watching over me.

I hope my mother sees this someday soon, (not too soon though) and knows that I treasure the fact that as I get older, we talk better. And as the mighty You sees this, I’m trying. I’m trying hard to be a good sheep. Although I keep straying, I know I can only get the good grass where only you lead me.

Baa. I will follow you, always.

kelly sheep.