A cherry on top

Satisfaction.
What we actually want when we think we need something.

Lately life has had a turn for the good, leaving me with a sweet feeling melting away at the tips of my tongue plainly making it hard not to grin like a goof. Out of the mundane cocoon of life I have, I emerge still a caterpillar but a happy fat one. Paints a familiar picture doesn’t it?

Sweet are the days I have of the big anticipated -that has for a long time mentally constipated us- exams to finally begin! The sooner the days pass, the sooner this burden like a pest living off my joy extending out hands and legs is lifted or rather uprooted and flicked far out of sight. And by all means necessary, legit or not, let the impending good times roll.

I metaphorically stand here and clear in the bright morning blues and clear cool evening skies I see myself enjoying the days ahead. Good days of relaxation free of the nagging ‘study,study,study’ throbbing the back of my head; volunteering and sightseeing in Cambodia; getting a job and earning cash!; and maybe best yet, -uninterrupted reading whether day or night in the comforts of my room on a cool day. Ofcourse the holidays ahead will be amazing, but far out in the horizon I’m set on venturing into university life. Finally it’s so close and I’m getting into a new environment. Happy am I and happy I shall very be.

Albeit all, I know so well from all the times I’ve gone through it that in all honesty the happiness or rather content comes from God. These few weeks, since the 18th day before my major exam began (which is today..) I started committing everyday and everything to happen next into his hands. I don’t actually think I can do it on my own, bad memory and the fact that I know this whole getting papers marked far away and being at the mercy of the education system -its all too much of a gamble. That’s why I trust God, fully, some would say naively because my logic is nothing is for certain. I’d rather have hope then fumble in darkness or be blinded by the neon lights of the world. Its not an incantation or whatever, but however it works, spending good quality time talking and just being free as well as uninterrupted with Him is really, uplifting. I’m not meditating on nothingness and emptying myself nor am I telling it out as to an imaginary therapist, but I am spending a good hour or so talking to God. And it always makes your insides good -put simply.

Somehow ending the year as a 19 year old, although I will still think myself 19 till next June, the growing pains of it I bluntly put ’19-year-old-syndrome’ has seen me evolve. Although, a better word for it should be adjusted, into a more ‘me’. I’ll get to it another time.

But as someone whom I never thought would have told me, what you want is not what you need. Maybe it was the fact that it was her that said it, that I’ve kept it since then and let it teach me something rather poignant.

Good days are good, but bad days make those good days better.

Lei