Holy Endorphin

I never thought of it this way, but a walk back in campus after a good night’s meal had me saying
“Reading the bible and going to church is like having the carbohydrates and the protein alone. Talking about God is like the vegetables!”

These past few days have been some unhappy, frustrating and borderline depressing times this semester. I’ve been blaming it on the fact that its late in the semester and my happiness tank needs to be refueled by a trip back home. 

I’d been hoping to take a trip to the mall, anywhere just get out of this place to take a breather from the assignments and thoughts of finals looming nearer and nearer. No one was available so the day dwindled till I decided to get out for a walk.

I met my good friend, walked and well, fast forward and we’re back in our rooms now having had a meal unusual from countless others. Prior to this, I’d been talking to God and singing worship songs, trying to reach Him. In my puzzling emotional distress, hopefully not but likely to be induced by hormonal-imbalance, I searched for God to grant me peace. Something was missing in my pursuit of Him, and my heart longed to feel it once again.

This is where our conversation became that missing piece. A recap of the year, boy talk, family situation and friends led to talk about life in Uni. And life that has shrunk in place of intimidation and peer pressure. Life can get so meaningless when we get self-centered and overly image-conscious. That’s where life with God is suppose to be different. Talks about Christian life overtook, prompting sharing of our past and present before and after allowing God teach us what life according to him is. Abundant life, full of joy. A beautiful life. 

Something about quality conversations enriches your life. And something about talking about God, with one another enriches Christian life. Just like veges in a meal fellowship plays a vital role in growing us up in the faith. Both me and Diane experienced an uplift in our spirits through our sharing. Unlike an emotion or a hormonal release, it was an elation of the spirit. It was the release of holy endorphin. 

 

The same place last semester, this semester and hopefully in the coming ones for the next 3 years.

Thankful.

 

lei

Confused, alone and alright with it.

Writing from my school library today, waiting for the clock to strike 7 for me to depart to prayer meeting and then to the first meeting I’ll have as an Exco (Committee member) of Persatuan Kristian Agape. 

The year is coming to a close, and while I look at my friend’s blogs trying to gage how they’re doing -God has brought us to different places and knowing new faces. I may not be as close to them as I wish I could still be, but I believe wherever we are God is using that bond we grew together as a backbone to all the new friendships we’re having right now.

I have not come any closer to knowing what I want for my future, and just as I started a new 40 day devotional – it read to me 

“For everything, absolutely everything, above and below, visible and invisible, … everything got started in Him and finds its purpose in Him.” Colossians 1:16 

Probably searching for my own purpose here will lead me to confusion, 21 years of my life and I haven’t figured it out. Haven’t figured out how I can truly make a difference, in university now and I can’t choose a job ad for a mock interview because I’m torn between what I’m qualified for (and what it can pay me) and what I am more compelled to do.

Yet entering into year one and deciding to by-pass all the other societies, because I want to serve God.. Has led me to be promoted which is not even something I expected, the main thing is that my life has been edified. I find myself singing worship songs from long ago out of no where, I crave the fellowship that church provides and well, as hard as it is to love unconditionally – you’re never allowed to stop trying.

Confusion still surrounds alot of my life, sometimes I really just sit and wonder if everything is as it should be? I look at how other non-believers are so certain of their choices and the world they’ve made around them, no consciousness of beyond that.
But when I am in that wave of peace and love and warmth that is God’s presence, I can’t deny that I’ve been made for him.

And my purposes lie in his will for my life.

 

Scary, not kidding. But at the same time comforting.

 

lei