Liars

It is ironic how I just recently wrote about trust, that just last week itself I felt myself robbed of ever wanting to put my trust as easily as before in anyone -specifically the male type.

I first found out that a long time friend of mine had been boasting of a relationship he had with me. I had previously heard of it and thought of it as a joke when I confronted my friend about it. He even said that it was to protect me. However, I’ve come to know that it wasn’t only a one time thing said in passing. It was over a period of time in which he lied about repeatedly and after some time claimed we broke up. All of this not to my knowing, ofcourse. Fiction entirely.

Another I got to know late on in the day, was of a new friend I’ve made in Uni. One I thought was much fun and funny, and finally -someone with a city mind! Talking to a new classmate, he randomly brought up that he heard of me from his friend -coincidentally also my friend (Comedian). I had heard of a rumour circulating before about some nonsense relating me and the Comedian in a relationship. Er, hello? I brought it up with Comedian and he joked it off calling it rubbish. Here now, I’m hearing from new classmate that Comedian is the one bringing me up, saying I’m “obsessed” with him/ I like him/ there’s more that meets the eye. Double-checking with another classmate only confirmed it.

In the beginning, it was funny. Maybe flattering to think they thought putting me in their stories could boost their image.
But thinking back to the times I’ve sincerely reached out to them when they were in need or actually cared for them because they were my friends.. And for them to be able to lie to me like that. That’s pretty low.

I don’t want to play victim here, but truthfully I’m in the mix of hurt and anger. There is no one to fight on my behalf, knowing they are believing these guys over me. And I am not standing up and protesting or confronting them. I know they are not going to admit to it. I know even if they found out I knew, they could just as easy cook up another story.

This is where my trust in guys has taken a fall. To think that men are supposed to be protectors.

I will forgive you, but trusting you again might not happen.

Maybe this comes in good time for me to step away from men. Atleast men that don’t have my best interest at heart or any other women or individual, for that matter.

 

Astronomy Night

Tonight I had the opportunity to emcee for the club’s Introduction night -I was roped in by a friend and decided why not. As the night progressed, not only did our little lecture hall became packed that it needed inserts of extra chairs but it turned out to be extremely enjoyable. Stars, water rockets and matters bursting into beautiful sights light years away were brought to life by the club’s excited members and it’s bubbly senior teacher advisor. It was a great night and I’m thankful to have been apart of it.

After hearing about telescopes and signing my name with a light laser into the night sky, we left and a few of us met up for supper. My good friend; and previous mentor from CF here and I decided to have our usual catch up in our hostel cafe.

I don’t know if I could discuss the private conversation we had. All I can say however is it was one not short of tears and truths. But the gist of it, the reason behind her tears was the crushing failure of her Christian family here in accepting her -fully and truly and as God had called her; as her city culture bred her- and how hard it still is for us to accept different.

The lesson I had tonight was from hurting someone who truly meant to love me and intended to mentor me. I learnt from both sides how our weaknesses are made of the one main fact that we are human. Its not easy to understand other’s plights and only if we sincerely made the effort to, we could only get a glimpse. Admitting to her failures in her friendship with me and mentor-ship, I sat across her and forgot everything it made me feel in the first place. Here was I telling her campus life and serving in the committee would’ve been easier if she could understand these people better -not knowing we were the ones not extending this understanding hand towards her.

I’m glad she didn’t leave abruptly, so I could have time to explain my words. And tried my best to be just more than a person looking from the outside. It could never be that God’s love for me made it that I could judge another from where I stood. It could not be that God’s children didn’t extend grace to one another, for the callings He had specifically given them.

As she and I walked away to our separate blocks, I knew all I could do was to make sure she knew I wasn’t like the rest who doubts her. I can only pray for you that God will be your strength. He will dry your tears and as he takes you where you should be, there will be good people along the way who will sincerely hold your hand and say ‘I understand’, and truly mean it.

lei

Unspoken treaties

A week or so before I had to leave again for uni, I was talking to my mum about trust. Conversations with my mum have been increasingly enjoyable as I’ve grown with age and began to understand my folks better -and when I told her I would miss her as I hugged her goodbye, I truly meant it. She has been so wonderful to me. Mum as I learned from the book about 5 love languages is a service-provider, does not verbally or physically show it but hot meals, clean clothes and driving about so I can have my fill of good ol’ Klang food has got me warm in the belly and fuzzy in the heart.

My mother has been always wary of my small online business, typically being worried about bogus deals or frauds and as such she was expressing her concerns. To my defense, its more of a market place where we sell off used/unused items for a reasonable price -I mean, win-win right? However, coming to this age of technology where online businesses thrive and most all transactions can be done via the world wide web I do admit we’ve become quite a trusting lot. We often get in bed with dealers with the hope that the picture or description they offered is the truth.

Being at the hypermarket, I took it into stride to show her how subconsciously she did it as well. She trusted the pre-packed oranges that were significantly cheaper than the individually sold ones was better, she bought them. Without a clue if they tasted better or not, she paid and checked out. The day we were talking about this, coincidentally, we were back there again this time to exchange the oranges. My mum has opened the pack, tried one, and felt it wasn’t good enough. She then bought another orange to replace the eaten one, made a complaint and handed it back to be exchanged. Not only did she initially put her trust in the wholesaler for the initial pack of oranges, the Supervisor of the hypermarket also trusted her to return the sold goods as they were before.

We run around in our lives built on trust. On word, on each other’s character.

Just like how conversations turn from the depth of a pond to the ocean when there’s trust. There are many times we may regret the trust we put into others, the words we’ve allowed to depart from our lips being whispered to another to the hope that they’ll catch us when we fall, broken.

When it exists where both ends keep this silent treaty, it turns to gold. Just as all the other times we practice it, we trust in not knowing but being certain that if we do focus on God, He’ll lead us where we need to go.

But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. Romans 5:8

Trusting in his fallen creation, that the few of us who got to know him would continue believing in him and would bring others to know his love.