5 years

When I was younger, I used to think that 19 was a great age. It was sweet, young and especially perfect for the first boyfriend.

I used to think that I’d like him to be within, 1-5 years – no, in fact, 5 years older should be perfect.

He should be taller than me of course. Same height would be fine.. (Until high school when my only slightly shorter male buddy said I towered over him like a dinosaur in heels.)

Tall, dark and handsome….is too far-fetched let’s not set ourselves up for failure I thought.

A deep/unreadable gaze (I used to sketch, horribly, Jesse McCartney’s T-line – because the shadow made by a straight brow and notable nose created a shadow over the eye). Hopefully?

My dating experience in form six (one lunch and one dinner separately), hit the nail on the coffin and sent any preference for non-milky skinned Chinese boys whatsoever six-feet under. No one fairer than me. It just wasn’t going to work out. I didn’t like Chinese boys once I got to know them..unless they were different, un-Chinese-like.

Going to uni, I was attracted to men who spoke well, who knew more than I did, and a sparkling world of endless learning.

I wanted someone who could attract me mentally. Pique my thoughts and talk on a wavelength I’d feel sparks just trying to figure out let alone connect on.

I also wanted someone so kind..he could notice things people ordinarily didn’t. Someone gentle in manner, but a man no less, because people are harsh enough no matter blood bond or not. I’d witness enough senseless bickering over ego.

But mostly in my teens, all I thought I wanted was that he be older, tall and slim fit. haha

The last guy I dated in uni really ruined that “older guy” perception though. he was really not mature, at that time, at least not for the commitment-phobe I sorta was/am.
I bolted emotionally so hard, by the end of the second date.

A lot has evolved since 24 became the new “19”.

A lot has changed in me. Then again, I used to think I’d be married by 25.

And two guys separately had their effect.

to be continued.