My To-Do List

It feels like I should get these thoughts out of my head so I can focus on what’s ahead of me/ what I now suddenly feel I should do with what’s ahead of me.

I got out of bed, out of my current usual routine of finding joy/meaning in good stories, to write down the things I’ve stopped doing. Feels like I have time now. (Strangely not whilst abandoned to MCO, but on a one-day-extra weekend.)

Could it be that ample time does not work the same as opportune time?

Anyway, the list.
1. In the past recent weeks, I’ve not set aside time to spend with God/on reading His word. although I have gone through some sighing type/TGIF prayer..
2. In a long long time, I’ve not journalled. Not properly put my feelings down in sequence, in a way processing them when it happens..when I write now, they’re jumbled and not as clear, thus not
3. Reflected on them properly,
4. Had morning Me-time.

When I was in uni, and even after I started working in Penang, in my first and worst rented place, to my second and that slightly less worse place, to the final haven I found, I always woke up late at mid-morning. Drank water. Went to the loo..
Srrt srrt srtt. Walked about in my slippers in a normally empty place, and made myself a mug of tea.

If it stayed empty, to my delight, I’d seat to cool my tea, peel my Navel orange, take a deep whiff of the fresh zesty fragrance, and that there meant a good morning to me.

When I had the resources (a proper clean kitchen), I’d make a full toast, scrambled eggs and mushroom/bacon breakkie. but, some times.

In uni, I had half the room to myself, partial ownership, so I’d rest my legs up the table and just take in the morning er, close to noon view and that’d feed my soul.

My first apartment was a cheap, slightly dingy, but cheap, place that had a windows in my room. The second place had a couch by the balcony in the living. At the third, I just sat on the furry rug to eat my breakfast in the daylight by the window or pulled a chair to stare out.

What about these things makes sense to me, and why is it important? I suppose it was personal space. Something that initially I didn’t know how to enjoy, but now gives me strength. (It’s nothing about sniffing oranges.)

The Me growing up would devote as much time I have to the people I love, and love to be with. If I could, I would.
I think now, there’s no need to feel guilt for saying no, right?

At 27, I still find it hard to find my balance. How do you people adult so immaculately, and in fact, achieve so much?

The truth is lately, rather yesterday I had a call – quite literally a wake up call (not to be dramatic, it’s just in my brain).

And it made me think, is this all I want in life? because I relooked at what I want to have in my coming future, and I wondered..will I achieve it going on like this? I’m not exactly talking about it in view of other’s lives though that’s always going to be part of the package,

Rather, looking at what I want for myself in the future

am I doing all I can to get there? _